The Moto Mating Call

Cars are quite expensive in Rwanda, so most folks find themselves taking a motorcycle taxi to get around. There aren’t many rules or regulations in moto or boda boda world but there is a strict etiquette to completing a ride.

1) The initial approach- At almost all hours during the day, you can see motos whizzing by you and dodging in and out of traffic. Well this is true until the actual moment you want a moto, in which case, they seem to just disappear. Eventually you will final find an available suitor, a solo moto driver pretending to be going somewhere important and seemingly wanting no such mate. You show interest in 2 ways: a simple hand raise or deep hard hiss that would make everyone in America turn in horror. The second option seems to be more attractive as I have found more moto drivers willing to stop for a hard hiss than the hand raise.

2) The look up and down- Moto drivers usually whip their bike around and pull up right in front of you almost running over your feet to display their dominance and masculinity in hopes of a match. I usually take a step back to see what features said moto driver has asking myself questions like, “what are my chances of lice putting on this helmet?” or “on a scale of 1-10 how drunk could this person be” and “hmm this is the sporty bike which goes faster but is less comfortable, how far do I have to go and is it worth waiting for a slightly more comfortable ride?”

3) The interview process- If you are satisfied with the answers to the previous questions, you next move to the interview process. To be polite you have to run down all the common small talk Kinyarwanda you know followed by a broken Kinyarwandan explanation of where you have to go. Immediately after shaky Kinyarwanda, you deliver the strong question, “ni angahe?” or “how much?” Moto drivers almost always play coy and give you a ridiculous price that I might have paid if I just stepped off the plane but not a year in. To counteract this, you have to immediately show dramatic disapproval. This disapproval can be shown in a variety of ways: an exasperated ‘oya’ ‘no’, a strong disrespectful tapping of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, laughing hysterically in disbelief about the price or simply walking away in hopes the suitor will redeem himself with a lower price. For more effective results, it’s best to combine your signs of disapproval. I personally like to laugh hysterically and walk away. (sidenote: as I reread these steps, I realize how incredibly rude and overdramatic these steps might appear but they are all totally normal in a culture where the word subtlety is not in the dictionary)

4) Agreement- After the initial price is usually divided by 2, both moto and motoee seem to be in agreement, you hop on board, put on the moderately gross helmet and go to town, if you know what I mean.

(one happy moto rider finding his mate)