Ups and Downs

I would like to think of myself as a halfway decent teacher. The kids seem to enjoy my classes, and it sometimes appears as though they might be learning something. Two weeks ago, I had a little hiccup. Coming back from a 3 day weekend the old dean of studies pulled a fast one on me and added 2 more classes to my schedule midway through the last term. It was also a little frustrated that he didn’t bother to tell until after a student asked me why I dodged their class, a student I don’t teach, well didn’t used to teach. I casually asked the dos (dean of studies) if by chance this student was right and he was. “oh yeah, I was meaning to tell you about that” Sweet

It’s really ok though because it’s adding GP classes which are examinable current events classes and I absolutely love teaching it. I also wasn’t such a fan of their previous teacher. So this was just another hurdle I could deal with.

The first week of classes with these new students went by without any hiccups and I thought that I would cruise to the end of the term with them. The second week got a lot tougher. In one of my new classes I started to notice this one boy who sat in the back who just stared real hard at me the entire class. I didn’t think anything of it at first but after my 3^rd class with these new students I walked to the back of the room to see what was up. The student sitting next to him leaned over and said, “oh teacher, he can’t hear anything, he was born that way”

This news threw me backwards. This student has been attending normal classes his entire life while being deaf. He learns from reading lips and is now reading lips in a language not his own. Not that he could fully embrace Kinyarwandan being deaf. I asked his friend who all knew this. Apparently the Headmaster and two other teachers knew about this kid and that’s it. I will say that it’s quite amazing that he has made it this far. There is an admissions process for all secondary schools in Rwanda and our school is a top performing school. Since that day, I have felt a little intimidated in this class. It’s hard enough teaching 50+ kids with varying English levels using only a piece of chalk but now throwing in a student with very special needs, it’s just too much. I’m just not qualified. But this is Africa, raw Africa and you have to make the best of what’s around. I try to teach his class the best I can and try to see him at the end of every class for questions but that’s all I can do.

This isn’t the first time that I have been deeply struck by people with disabilities in developing countries. Life is already a lot closer to the edge here and it just pushes it that much closer having a disability. Each time I see it, I become overwhelmed with the challenges facing them. It hurts to think about all the obstacles that must be faced living with a disability. On the other hand though, seeing students like Emmy also brings a lot of strength and joy. He has made it through so much and works so hard. His determination to learn is I think even inspires his fellow classmates to learn. He really takes his challenges in stride. Please join me in praying for strength and mercy for all those with disabilities in developing countries. Pray that our loving God has a plan for everyone with disabilities in creating his peaceful kingdom.

Does This Make You Sad Too?

In light of the recent Supreme Court case as well as the way I see America trending, this is a big problem. Please read this article to see something thats close to my heart. People with lots of money pushing their greed in Washington to change policy for only their personal benefit.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/30/100830fa_fact_mayer?currentPage=all

Oh Sardy!

When I first moved to Rwanda, which now is many months ago, I thought it was cute that whenever an accident occurred many people would almost yell out, ‘sorry!’ Anything from dropping a piece of chalk to a slight stumble, and you receive a roomful of sorrys. At first I thought it was funny and just a little English misunderstanding but now I am starting to think that it’s related to a much bigger problem, the concept of self responsibility. In normal British/American English sorry is meant as an apology for doing something wrong to somebody else but here it is used pretty much only as a response to an incident self-inflicted and hardly ever used when someone does something wrong and a sorry would give responsibility to someone.

The other day in class, I dropped a piece of chalk and it broke into a couple of pieces, so to sympathize, everyone said sorry. I took a minute to explain to the kids a closer meaning to sorry and that in the context they often use is actually wrong. When I spoke of taking responsibility they weren’t really tracking. I think responsibility has been muddied in this culture for a long time to where it’s a relatively foreign concept which I think has caused some problems.

The other day my moto driver Claude pulled up to the house with some fresh gashes in his motorcycle. When I asked him what happened, he explained to me that his motorcycle decided to run off the road and crash.

I know that was a silly example but when you talk to many genocide survivors, and they’re is a retelling of what happened, I have noticed both victims and perpetrators both use the phrase “witched” for the time that atrocities were actually committed. They don’t give responsibility to anybody. I feel like many people describe things this way, “yeah, I was living here and doing this but something witched me to burn this person’s house down” or “I could tell that they were witched when they came into the church looking for my father”. I feel like responsibility is omitted by both sides.

To receive a legitimate apology is relatively rare. I accidently blew off a friend the other day and I really did feel bad about it. I was intending on seeing him but I totally forgot. When I called him and apologized, he was really appreciative and mentioned how rare it was for someone to really apologize. Hmm many feeble sorrys and not many legitimate sorrys.

I really think that this is a problem. People struggle to accept or give responsibility for many things. Blame or responsibility is placed on inanimate objects or supernatural causes instead the people whose responsibility it should be. I think this hinders moving forward in many ways. If responsibility is not taken for actions, then how can people learn from mistakes. It’s childish to push responsibility to everything but yourself and I think it has become culture here. I’m not sure how this can change besides chalking it up to another one of the growing pains of trying to become a developed country.

PS- I’m super judgy in this post but I have been building this idea in my head for many months now and see examples of it on a regular basis. Regardless, I could be completely wrong here and am open to conversation.

Garden

The rain brings new opportunities to Nyagatare. No, not life directions or insightful revelations but the chance to grow a garden! My neighbor Sawa and I spent a majority of Sunday preparing our new garden. Our last one went pretty well, we were able to have some beautiful cucumbers, eggplants, basil and rocket. This time we are growing more of the same but reducing the amount of eggplants and increasing the amount of cucumbers and adding radishes. Although this was a day full of manual labor, I really enjoyed the uncomplicated process of getting down and digging in God’s beautiful earth. The simplicity of growing your own food in your backyard and being able to just walk out and pick what you need for dinner that night is plainly wonderful. I will say, growing a garden in Africa is quite a bit different from the States. You have to do the normal clearing and churning of soil but the soil isn’t so fertile over here and we can’t just go to the store to buy fertilizer so we have to collect cow patties and till them in. Also you can’t just throw the seeds into the flat tilled soil. You have to create- as Barbara Kingsolver described so well in Poisonwood Bible- mounds that look like little burial tombs. So we threw the seeds in the mounds and after a couple weeks of watchful watering and making sure the cows don’t trample the plants we should have some healthy veggies to add to our boring starch filled diets.

I know it’s turning toward fall but if you’re real ambitious you can grow a nice fall garden in the States or if you are just starting gardening try to plan ahead to spring. Check out what land you could use and see if there is anywhere you can start your own garden.

There are many benefits of growing some of your own food. First, this might be psychological but homegrown food just tastes better. Second, especially in America, the average grocery store veggie travels hundreds if not thousands of miles to get to you. If we pushed for more local or even better homegrown food we could drastically cut down on the greenhouse gasses being produced from bringing food many miles to you. Another good thing about gardening is that by eating your own or hopefully local food, you can really cut down on the amount of pesticides in your body. To be honest, I’m not up on recent pesticide studies but I have a feeling that they aren’t healthy for you and the less you have in your body, the better for you and for the environment which greatly suffers from pesticide runoff. Pesticide runoff in developing countries is a major problem that isn’t getting much attention.

Bottom line, I want you to grow a garden. Grow whatever fruits or veggies you want. Slow down, dig your hands down in God’s good earth and watch a plant grow that will feed you and have no negative side-effects besides being too delicious.

( It doesn't look like much now but waiting is part of the fun)

Change

The dry season has finally released its grip and the dark clouds of rainy season have arrived. I’m not sure I have every appreciated the sweet smell of rain as much as I did a few days ago. You really respect contrast when you’ve have four months of bright sunny days to fully cherish the rain when it comes. In a matter of days since receiving rain, my little town has transformed from a dusty near desert landscape to a lively not quite lush green. With the arrival of rain comes the reemergence of wildlife. The rainbow of birds have reappeared. Our pet bat Batty has reclaimed his perch atop our light fixture. The safari ants have started to putter around our veranda again. The maggoty bugs with wings have returned to aimlessly fly toward the lights outside, only to be caught and eaten by Batty.
It really has amazed me how quickly things have changed around here with a little bit of rain. Everything has gone back to the way things were when I first arrived here. Life is in full swing not waiting for anything and on full display.
This change has really reminded of how beautiful contrasts can be. Without some low points or dry seasons its makes it hard to really appreciate how beautiful life is. I never minded the immense wildlife all around but when it all disappeared during dry season, I missed it. I began craving rain or just plain cloud cover. I can honestly say that I appreciate the wildlife and clouds so much more now having a period with everything on hold. Up and downs come and all forms but sometimes they just appear crystal clear. Now that the rain has started to fall, in many ways I’m happy for the dry season. Not to say I was happy for the 4 months of tough conditions but I appreciate the contrast. Not that I’m suggesting reveling in low points but rather we should embrace them as part of life and expect to learn from them because there will be a time when things are better and it will be so much more sweet when we leave them.

Celebrating A Little Different

Most folks consider Rwanda a Christian nation but it doesn’t stop them from celebrating others holidays. Friday marks the end of Ramadan called Eid. Its a nice monthish long fasting during sunlight hours to get a little closer to God. I think its quite nice and will participate next year. Eid is a national holiday for all of Rwanda. All Rwandese holidays are announced the night before on the radio in Kinyarwandan. Even if it’s Women’s Day or Heroes Day, which have a specific date set out every year, nobody knows if you have the day off until it’s announced on the radio the night before. For some reason I was somehow convinced that Thursday was going to be Eid and that we would have it off. This prompted a late night out and couple extra hours of sleep. It turns out that I missed the moon and announcement. When I got moving this morning, I realized I missed the first 3 periods and Eid would be on Friday. I jumped the gun on the usually celebrated feast and party and missed out on the fasting (I’m such a heathen). This celebration stretches a lot farther than the 3-5% Muslims in the country. I think it shows a great deal of acceptance of other religions and the ability of 2 differing religions to coexist.

It seems to be the opposite case in America. I hear about this pastor in Florida who is going to burn Korans on 9/11. How Christ-like. Too be honest I’m not sure how this guy got so much publicity. It’s a shame when America’s leaders have to waste their time and put out statements suggesting that this is a bad idea and will endanger American lives to be disrespectful and burn others holy books. Not only this incident but I have also been reading about a mosque being constructed near the World Trade Center’s site. There has been outrage over its construction but I don’t understand why. Why has there been such a surge in Islamofascism. Let’s try to put this in perspective here. Those responsible for the 9/11 attacks represent about .03% of Muslims. Also, since then, our little Christian nation America has managed to torture or kidnap and send to known pro torture countries hundreds of thousands of people, most of them being Muslim and most of them not charged with anything other than a hunch or suspicion. There are bad apples on all sides, so why can’t we acknowledge that and work to ask them why, call them exceptions and bring them to justice.

You might be thinking, hmm well if Rwanda had an attack like 9/11 then they would probably hate all Muslims too and throw everyone in a big group. Two months ago there were several bombs that went off in the Kampala, close neighbor to Kigali where many Rwandese knew people killed in that attack. This was done by the radical Muslim group al-shabab but people here are able to make the distinction. Well my neighbor is Muslim and I have no problems with him or her so maybe not all people of Allah are bad. Maybe we could treat those who have respected us with respect and ask better of those who do not and promise respect regardless of how they treat us. Hate and fear are powerful weapons. Let us live bigger than hate and fear and make a push for hope and love to triumph.

Heretic?

As my time here in Nyagatare is winding down and the possibility of continuing to teach at my school has been eliminated, I’m trying to look to the future. For numerous reasons, I have felt pushed to look for a position with a Christ affiliated organization. As I have started to apply for various NGO’s, I have realized that I don’t really adhere to many of the views that they simply want me to click and agree or disagree in a box to a specific version of Christianity.
I’m going to go down the list for you.
I don’t believe the Bible is infallible. I do believe it is the inspired word of God and shows in the way it’s been able to move communities for generations. I don’t see it as a constitution of laws but a beautiful collection of stories about a growing community of people and thier interaction with God for many years dealing the growing pains of grappling with a God that bigger than we can imagine even when he was sent in human form.
I’m not sure if Jesus is the only way to heaven. Actually, I’m not sure if there is a definitive heaven after life period. I certainly don’t believe in hell. Well, hell in the form of eternal suffering in flames. Honestly let be real here. Those who have read some of the Bible or at least some of the Gospels can you really imagine Jesus having this conversation? ‘Here’s the deal, the reason I’m here is to start a new religion and yeah I’m want to name it after me. Oh also, if anyone doesn’t accept this new religion named after me, they’re going to be tortured for eternity. Cool? Good talk.’ I think heaven and hell are both here and now on this earth. I think if you ask some of the women living in eastern Congo, they would tell you that hell is knocking on their back door. And if you asked me as I vacationed in Tofo I would tell you that heaven is at hand. The contrasts are stark and are dually present right now. This is where I feel called, renewing the Eden that once was this world. Helping heaven spread past the edges of humanity and reach the inner caldrons of hell and fill them with hope, love, justice and peace; to be part of creating the new peaceful Kingdom of God. Everything comes from God, everything is spiritual. Regardless of what religion someone is part of, they can have part of the restorative power of God with them. I believe in liberation for salvation.
I don’t believe that I or we are fallen unwanted people. Of course there is sin but I don’t think it’s the definitive factor between us and God. Were missing the picture, it’s about life and heaven here and now not a collection of exact beliefs to make it in the club when we die. I believe that we are called to leave the destructive ways of this world and be reborn into the restorative Kingdom of God. Please, liberate yourself from the ideals of this world and join me in thinking up and looking out to stand alongside God helping to bring his Kingdom here and now. I think this is the only way true salvation will be delivered.
I love liberation theology, the emergent conversation and being ok with the unknowns of an infinite God but will these organizations with large segments of strictly evangelical supporters accept me? I think the family is big enough for a person like me but I couldn’t check yes to the beliefs of the World Evangelical Alliance box. We shall see.

Check It!

A friend sent me this CD the other day. I felt so so about it the first listen, but when I really gave it a good chance I realized how good it is. This song has been my heartbeat the last couple of days. I think its inspired by Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Hints the song title Cave

Actually, I love this song so much right now that I’m going to give you my interpretation of it. This is one beautiful thing about songs with lyrics this deep is that you can take them in many different ways. It’s refreshing to see a song with lyrics so thoughtful that I can dive in and really chew it around. So this is my take and maybe you will grab something from it. I also want to give you a run down on the Plato’s cave allegory. Don’t worry I couldn’t remember it all from philosophy class, I had to look some of it up. So the idea is this, there are a group of people in a cave completely shackled without the ability to move facing a cave wall. Behind them is a big fire in which people with objects and cut outs walk across and the shadow is reflected on the cave wall. So their reality becomes the shadows, because that’s all they can see. Also when they are freed, they turn toward the fire and it hurts their eyes so they return to their reality of the shadows.
It's empty in the valley of your heart (There is something deeper there, in hard times its hard for a majority of folks because they don’t know)
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears (I think these 3 lines are hinting toward the cave, maybe sun being fire, and fear of leaving what they knew. I also think this applies to humanity as a whole too. Comfort in what you know and fear of change)
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see (I know its more cave talk but for me, I’m hoping he is also mentioning the instability of how much meat people eat and that its destroying the earth)
But I have seen the same (more cave talk but also a challenge to the enslaved cave dwellers to say hey, I know what you are going through but I’ve seen the other side and you can break from your reality of shadows and join the world that brings hope and love)
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke (I’m going to try my hardest bring hope and help the world change from its destructive ways.)
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain (God never said life is going always be rainbows and butterflies, we need to learn from and expect times of pain. Growth can come from them)
And I will change my ways (I really think these last 2 lines are Biblical. We must change our destructive ways. I think its by following Jesus’ way and bring his peaceful kingdom on earth)
I'll know my name as it's called again (Maybe referencing the numerous changes in actions that goes along with changes of name in the Bible. For example: Saul to Paul, Simon to Peter and Abram to Abraham. I think there are even more)

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth (Let me break out of the ways of the world. I understand if you wouldn’t come with me but for me it’s the only path)
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears (I’m not sure about this line, Christ’s crucifixion comes to mind)
I can see widows and orphans through my tears (I can’t ignore what I see that needs to be changed)
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears (I’m trying really hard despite how scared and how imperfect I am)


So come out of your cave walking on your hands (more cave talk)
And see the world hanging upside down (I think this is more God’s kingdom talk. See things from a new perspective. The last will be first and the first will be last type of deal)
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land (good line, haven’t nailed it on the head but my guess would be a I’m with God, I mean look around at his beautiful creation, how could we not be?)

So make your siren's call (The Odyssey reference here. The American dream can look pretty and you can try to lure me but just like the sirens, it will lead to death so I’m not listening)
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be (Searching for God’s will in helping to bring his kingdom here)

But its Tradition

A couple of months ago I was invited to a wedding. It was so long ago ago that I almost missed it when it last weekend. Two days after the invite, I was invited to the wedding giving party. This consisted of many people in the library drinking Fanta while going down a list of things that needed to be paid for to have the wedding. People pledged to donate anywhere from $5 to $125 for various wedding expenses. As I looked over the list I didn’t know what half the things were. After some questions and answers I agreed to pay $30 for the “wedding spray” which I understood to be champagne. It wasn’t until the wedding that I learned that instead of spending $30 on champagne, I spent $30 on about 6 sparklers which apparently is “wedding spray” in Rwanda. Really in the scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal to contribute to a wedding but when you have many people who are just scraping by and its pretty much required that you contribute to the wedding it’s tough for me to take.

So let’s move onto a little description of the wedding. If I had to describe it in 3 words it would be: long, extravagant and boring. I know, how culturally insensitive of me. But it’s not only me who shares these sentiments. So first up you have the dowry which is the traditional cow giving ceremony. This starts at 8am and is at the bride’s house about 2 hours away. This part seemed ok as the man expressed how much he loved the wife and proceeded to actually give her a cow. This lasted about 3 hours. Then everyone went back to Nyagatare for the church service. The preacher stole the show and turned their vows into an evangelical opportunity and somewhere inside the yelling they passed rings and made it official with God. Another 3ish hours spent. Next in line was the first reception. This was at a local bar that has a concert hall. This was also where my wedding spray came in. Everyone came in and turned to watch the bride and groom come into the building, this was accompanied by really loud music and a Rwandese style play by play announcer. At this point the bride and groom looked just plain exhausted and ready to sleep. We went through 4 hours of cutting the cake. At this point it was about 10pm. You would think it’s done at this point but nah. Now it was time to go to the groom’s house. Everyone arrives and waits about an hour for the bride and groom to get there. I was hoping that they took a nap. (Did I tell you that power had been out for about 3 hours at this point?) They get there, everyone eats and then it’s time for friends to speak. One by one friend’s from both sides get up and shares their life story related to the bride and groom. I decided to dip out at about 1am and they were still going strong.

All in all it wasn’t so bad. What flustered me the most was the ridiculous extravagance. It wasn’t just me who noticed the overspending either. The topic was approached with some of my Rwandese friends and they felt the same way as I did. They didn’t want to make all their friends pay lots of money for their wedding. I think it’s a fine line. A wedding is supposed to be a nice time being a special rare occasion and people should have fun every once and a while. I just hope people think about their friends in planning their next wedding and maybe not go with the wedding spray.

Change is hard to come by. I think most people know that they aren’t really helping their friends out by making them carry the load for their wedding but this is justified with tradition. That this is the way things are done here. Our conversation spiraled into how hard it is to bring about change and then it hit me, yeah change is hard. It’s bad to screw over your friends and make them pay a healthy portion of their salary for your wedding but it’s another thing if you actions are causing the entire earth to be thrown off balance and threaten the lives of thousands around the world. Boom, you could have guessed. Climate change jab. I ask the question again, what will it take for us to change our actions and reduce our footprint on this earth? Sorry I'm a jerkface but I guess it just shows whats on my mind.